


You are my sunshine

by PrinceofBadassery



Series: WinterIron Drabbles [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Body Horror, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 09:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10591287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceofBadassery/pseuds/PrinceofBadassery
Summary: A small(ish) drabble from a prompt list on tumblr.Bucky has trouble dealing with the colder temperatures.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tiny_Snark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiny_Snark/gifts).



> The idea came from an RP I have with a friend, who also requested this. Her Tony's favorite term of endearment for Bucky is Sunshine. 
> 
> Drabble list on my tumblr: https://berserkhamster.tumblr.com/post/158660461442/drabble-list

He hated winter. He hated the cold. It was probably ironic for some people that the Winter Soldier hated the cold but it wasn't like he had chosen the name. Most people would probably guess that his dislike for low temperatures came from his years spend in cryogenic suspension and that was part of it but mostly it was the metal arm that caused the problems. 

The arm was painful enough at the best of times and that wasn't even counting the dysphoria from having a foreign object stuck to his body without consent or any possibility to remove it that was a constant companion for Bucky. It was the cold that made the thing unbearable. Bucky didn't know if HYDRA had simply overlooked it or if it had been a distinct choice to design it this way to add to his torture but the metal was extremely conductive for any kind of temperature. So every time he ventured outside no matter how many jackets and sweaters he put on the arm turned into a piece of ice immediately and with it the metal parts inside his body as well. He didn't need an x-ray to tell exactly where the arm was anchored to his body. The clavicle, shoulder blade, ribs, there were small pieces on his spine and even something on his hip, and having to feel how far the arm reached into his body constantly made him want to rip it out, dig his fingers into his skin and tear it off his bones.. If there were even his bones and not metal replacements. 

Add to that the burning cold that froze him from the inside out and Bucky was paralyzed with horror and disgust for his own body. The only thing he could do then to not succumb to self-destructive measures was to curl up under a heated blanket as much as possible, use a hot water bottle on his shoulder and hope the heat will eventually bring the metal to a bearable temperature. Hot showers and baths helped too but he had to be extra careful with the water in winter and dry the arm completely every time. He seldom left the tower during the winter months to prevent the cold in his body to ever get too bad, but he couldn't stay holed up the entire time, the team worried and especially Tony who wanted to spend time with him on dates and Steve who wanted to see him interact with people more were always on his case when he tried to stay in bed all day. It wasn't like he didn't want to spend time with his boyfriend but he would rather stay cuddled up on the couch watching a movie instead of going out. They did that often enough but Tony deserved the occasional date in a nice fancy restaurant, Tony deserved so much more, he was the one who took him in, made him feel at home, showed him what love was. He was the one who called him Sunshine when everybody else only saw a gloomy man with a rain cloud over his head.

So he put up a happy face and ignored the stinging pain in his body and the screaming in his head to get rid of the abomination attached to it. 

Today was no different except Clint had suggested a team outing as it had recently snowed and he wanted to go to the park and take advantage of it. It naturally had ended with a snowball fight and with the white powder stuffed down Bucky's collar. It had taken everything he got not to break down in the park and somehow make it back to the tower. He had no idea how he had managed the cold while still with HYDRA, maybe it had been easier to deal with when he didn't know any better, when he didn't have a warm bed to curl up in and instead had only an even colder cryochamber to look forward to. It didn't take long until everybody was soaked through with melted snow and shivering and they finally headed back to the tower. 

It was entirely too late for Bucky.

When they got back he felt like his entire left side was made out of solid ice and he was pretty sure the snow turned water in his collar formed an ice layer on his neck. He ignored the Tony's call for a hot chocolate to warm up and headed straight for their bedroom. A hot chocolate wasn't going to warm him up, if anything it would probably form chocolate ice in his stomach. He also couldn't get a hot water bottle with everybody gathered in the kitchen, he blanket had to do for now.

Only when he was in the saftety of the bedroom did he allow himself to shiver and new waves of pain radiated through his body as stiff muscles fought against unyielding icy metal in his body. He stripped off his wet clothes and with a shaking hand and a cold metal appendage he absolutely did not want to touch he managed to put on a thick sweater and sweatpants then cranked the heating blanket up to high and slipped under the covers. The bed was still cold of course and he continued to shiver, now he could just wait and hope the pain and ice in his chest would fade away soon. 

He heard the door open and he knew Tony came to look for him. 

"I don't want hot chocolate." Bucky mumbled, hoping he could deter Tony from coming any closer. He didn't want any contact, not with Tony, not with anyone, but especially Tony. He didn't want him to see him like this, broken and helpless against the abomination that was his body, didn't want Tony to see how his Sunshine was frozen on the inside. 

"Everything alright? Sunshine?" Tony came closer, Bucky knew it, he felt the bed dip when the other man sat down. He tried to pull the blanket higher but Tony stopped him and somehow was stronger then him, pulling back the cover. 

"You're pale as a sheet. Bucky, what's wrong, talk to me." 

He couldn't. The ice in his chest was wrapping around his heart, squeezing it, he couldn't talk, couldn't breath - suddenly there was a fire touching his cheek and he screamed, he tried to get away from it, scrambling backwards. His back hit the headboard of the bed, the dead weight on his left shoulder pulled at his muscles and the ice cracked, piercing him, the pain unbearable. He had to get it out, get it out of his body, his hand tried to scratch the frost bitten skin around the metal but then Tony was on top of him, pulling him close. How could he touch something so cold as him, it burned where skin met skin and Bucky wanted to pull away, least Tony would turn to ice too. He heard him cursing and yes he deserved that, he shouldn't have let Tony so close, he was probably freezing too. 

"Jarvis, tell Steve to get every heating pad he can find in the infirmary and an IV drip with saline solution, body temperature, and tell him to hurry the fuck up!"

Bucky felt the dead metal on his shoulder shift, he hadn't told it to...

"Fuck fuck fuck." Tony was touching it. He wanted to tell him not to do that. It was poison.

His head was lying on Tony's shoulder, hands of fire where caressing his back, it felt as nice as it was painful. Hot drops of lava where hitting his cheek, rolling down his neck, he imagined they left burn marks behind. 

"What's going on?"

That was Steve, Bucky could see it clearly even with his eyes closed. Blond and vibrant Steve, practically radiating whenever he entered a room. He should have been Sunshine, not Bucky, it was so much more fitting.

"He's got hypothermia." Tony's voice cracked, was he already infected with the ice? "Get the pads on his arm and shoulder, the metal is sucking all the heat out of his body, we need to warm it up. Hand me the IV." 

"You can do an IV?" Steve, please, why are you asking Tony this? Tony can do anything. The thoughts came automatically even as his body was screaming. 

Bucky felt a tiny prick on his neck, barely noticeable among the icy needles piercing him from the inside. 

"Why the neck?"

"It's faster... and you know how he hates having a needle in his arm." 

Suddenly Bucky was on fire, he groaned, trying to wind himself away from whatever was assaulting his body but Tony held him even closer, fiery lips were on his neck and it might as well have been Tony who breathed the hot liquid into his body. It wound its way through him, going every which way, wrapping around his heart, down his arm, down his legs and then coming back up. He was burning from both ice and fire, his whole body screaming in pain along with himself.

"Shh, it's alright." Tony's voice sounded even worse now. "I know it hurts, baby, but this is going to warm you up, it's going to be alright."

Warm.. yes, he wanted to be warm. Bucky held still, letting the fire spread through his body as it fought a horrible battle with the unyielding ice. It's not going to work... It's not the arm...it's me, Bucky thought, I'm the ice...it's - 

He gasped. Suddenly the icy grasp on his heart had been released, his lungs filled with air and he could breath. Finally breath again, the fire dimmed, the ice disappeared, left was a tingling all over his skin and the inside of his body. The scars on his shoulder where the dead metal poked out came back to life, they were burning but not painfully, they were warm against the metal and the metal... the metal was not cold. He couldn't feel it inside his body anymore. 

Bucky opened his eyes. He didn't know how much time had passed. His face was pressed against Tony's neck and he was limp in the other man's arms.

"I should have known this would happen..." Tony was talking again. "I should have known...I'm so stupid... same thing happened with my reactor, before I insulated it and put an automatic temperature regulator in." 

"It's not your fault, Tony." Steve was still here, his voice was quivering too. "He could have said something..."

Bucky felt Tony shake his head, his hand was stroking Bucky's hair gently. "You know he can't do that...he doesn't even tell us if he's hurt after a mission and this was just a fucking snowball fight. Tell Clint I'll murder him with my bare hands if he ever gets near him with a snowball again." Tony's arms tightened around him.

"I'll leave you two alone, tell me if you need any thing." 

After he heard the door close and Steve had left Bucky felt Tony start to shake. "Sunshine, I'm so sorry, so sorry." Warm drops landed on his Bucky's cheek again and he realized Tony was crying.

" 's my fault." Bucky mumbled. 

Tony pulled back and cold air streamed into the empty space between them. He immediately missed the warmth that radiated from Tony and he started shivering. Tony cupped Bucky's face with warm hands and it helped a little in holding him still."What are you talking about? It's not your fault HYDRA put this mess in your body." 

Bucky couldn't look at him, couldn't look at Tony's sad face. "I'm not sunshine..." He tried not to shake, not from cold and not from the sadness that welled up in him.

"What? Who said that? Of course you are, you're my sunshine! What is this about?" 

Still unable to look at Tony Bucky tried to find the words. "Sunshine's warm...I'm not. I'm ..." He lifted his hand with difficulties, he was buried under the heating blanket and heating pads on his left side and back and his body felt sluggish. He tapped his chest, the spot where on Tony's the blue circle of life was glowing. "I'm frozen...inside." 

Tony turned Bucky's head so he had no other choice but to look at him. "You are my Sunshine, Bucky. A case of hypothermia isn't going to change that. Come here." Tony pulled him close again and he snuggled into the warm cocoon, burying his face against Tony's chest. Could Tony be right? He felt warmer again, the pain in his chest was gone, maybe it was true. 

"You know what? We two need to go on a vacation. JARVIS, get the Malibu villa ready, set up the lab, I think we both can use a little sunshine and while we're there I can work on some solution for our little freezer burn here. Some kind of insulating sleeve, maybe a temperature regulator, an internal heating unit - hey, Bucky what do you say to that?"

Bucky couldn't talk anymore, he just nodded into Tony's chest, hot tears rolling from his eyes, streaking his cheeks. He couldn't tell if the feeling inside his chest was warmth or happiness but both was overwhelming. Tony rubbed circles on his back and stroked his hair. 

"You are my Sunshine, don't ever doubt that."


End file.
